My little Catalina

It’s been almost a year since you left, and writing this still hurts.

I wish I could say that the pain of having made the decision to let you go has faded, but it’s still there. Even though you weren’t well, you wanted to stay. I have to admit that sometimes I still feel guilty about it.

I was the first to know you were going to leave, even when the vets said everything was fine. And by the time they realized what was really happening, it was already too late. Despite everything, we did everything we could to make sure you were as comfortable as possible.

You have no idea how much I miss you. Not just me, but the whole family you left behind.

Sixteen years together that I carry with me wherever I go.

To me, you were and will always be my daughter. I wanted to care for you, protect you, and share as many experiences together as possible. And still, I felt like I could have given you more.

I miss having you in my everyday life so much: going on walks with you, being out in nature together, going back to Asturias with you… I miss cuddling in bed, the way you’d look at me while I was eating, seeing you the moment I walked through the door… even you getting muddy and seeing you happy, covered in dirt.

Sometimes people ask me if I’d want to have another furry daugther… and honestly, I don’t know if I ever will. Because you are irreplaceable. So I know that if it ever happens, it wouldn’t be to replace you. That being would deserve to be loved for who they are, without expectations, and not to fill an emotional void.

If I haven’t written on the blog until now, it’s because I wasn’t ready. And writing this now means that, even though it still hurts, you’re no longer here, but life goes on, and the only way I can honor you is by living it with the same love you had for it: holding on to it in every moment, until the very end.

The night before you left, we went to that burger place you always loved smelling as we walked by, so you could finally have one of their burgers… and how you enjoyed it.

And the day you left, we spent it together in nature. You taught me that life is about enjoying what you love, truly living and feeling every moment.

I know some people choose to keep their furry babies' belongings, while others donate them. Even though it was hard and it took me six months, I decided to donate them and keep only that stuffed toy that was always with you.

My little princess, you will always be in my heart.

Your mom, who loves you so much,

Giovanna